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When you assume
February 27, 2011  |  by jess m  |  Thailand

Before we left one thing was really bumming me out. Coffee. Or the impending lack of coffee really. The last time we were in Thailand we didn’t see one delicious cup of coffee, or any sort of espresso drink of any kind. At best it was a slightly warm cup of instant Nescafe with powered creamer.  And it makes sense, it is Asia and all, the land of tea. Thing is, I’m not much of a fan. Sitting down in the morning with a lovely cup of green tea just doesn’t do it for me.

So I did what was only logical, I went completely overboard on the coffee before we left. If there was a moment when I could shove my face with some sort of coffee concoction, I would. Cappuccino in the afternoon. Espresso after dinner. Iced coffee on an IV drip, administered at regular intervals throughout the day. I was like a squirrel stockpiling for a long, long, winter. Except, you know, more alert.

So imagine my surprise when we arrived in Ko Lanta and opened the menu at our bungalow to discover a page of coffee drinks. Great coffee too. I couldn’t believe it. And it wasn’t like we just happened to be staying at some caffeinated Shangri-La. There was a full on espresso bar next door. Not to mention the one down the street. And the one down the street from that.  I was worried when we left for quiet little Ko Jum our luck would run out, but that was not the case.

Coffee, it would seem, has arrived in Thailand.

How absurd would it have been if I had shoved a 12 pack of Starbucks Via into my bag just for emergencies? Something I had seriously considered before I realized just how small a 22” backpack was.

All this coffee business has made us realize some of the other assumptions we’ve been lugging around that have already proven to have no basis in reality.

First, we were positive we were going to be the only douchebags running around with a computer. Four years ago I didn’t see a laptop the entire time we were gone. Now, sitting around our beach bar at night it’s like a Tuesday afternoon at Ritual Coffee in San Francisco.

Second, just because your power comes from a generator, doesn’t mean you won’t get wireless internet.  Especially if you’re sitting in an open air thatched roof restaurant on the beach.

Third, just because you don’t see a road doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Or more specifically, just because the “road” that you know of is no more than a seriously rutted path through a rubber plantation doesn’t mean that a 14 year old girl can’t get a 4×4 through it in no time flat.

Fourth, just because Jess C is in the shade does not mean she won’t get a blistering sunburn. On the other hand, if she’s in the shade and wearing SPF 50 applied hourly, she develops what I think everyone would agree is a touch of a tan. Which also disproves one of my assumptions about her, that her skin was capable of being any color other than alabaster or fuchsia.

Fifth, having each relocated our beloved kitties before we left, we were pretty sure we’d never find any cute animals to cuddle, just mangy, sandy, slightly rabid ones. Check out these extremely soft un-crusty man eaters:



Sixth, that maps could offer some kind of a guide as to where you were or where you might be going. All of the maps we downloaded in advance in a moment of hyper-efficiency are a joke. I am not even sure that they are maps of any place in Thailand. The hand drawn map that’s been photocopied to near death that we got from a guy in the village is gold. It has all of the jungle trails on it. Which, as it turns out, are the real roads around here anyway. See point three above.

No doubt more to come.

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1 Comment


  1. So glad to here that your drug of choice is now widely available!!!

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